I fell asleep outside

last night…

I fell asleep last night in the backyard on a couch in front of the fire pit.  You may be imagining a relaxing nap on a Friday night in the warm summer breeze, but no, not quite.  In other words, I drank too much and passed out cold.  By myself.  Bear had to come wake me up close to midnight.  My kids were still up and probably inside playing Fortnite on Facetime with their friends.

I have been practicing a super healthy lifestyle ever since I got over my solo (daily) happy hour issues when Q started.  I just wasn’t feeling great and I snapped back into my norm with minimal booze and crap in my diet.  Until last night.  Now I remember why I left it behind weeks ago.  I woke up with a headache, no energy, dry throat, and craving salty greasy food.  I didn’t even want my regular PB and J toast breakfast.  Who am I?!  UGH.  I remember this feeling that I literally haven’t had in a very long time and I don’t like it.  And it doesn’t like me back.

The weekends are notoriously the toughest times to stay on track.  Our schedules are different, we go out more, and we just want to let loose.  That is perfectly normal human nature.  But these last few days in my world have been particularly rough (key words: “in my world” aka I know these are not real problems).

My daughter was supposed to leave for camp (her favorite place) today.  7 weeks of good clean fun, protection, adventure, and the formation of life-long friendships.  Camp can help shape kids into kinder, more grateful, better humans.  And did I mention there is zero technology allowed?  No phones, computers, or other things that are messing all of us up, especially our kids.

So, instead, #campmom goes on and I am doing the best I can.  The electronic devices will have to stay this summer because I cannot occupy them 24/7.  I am ok with what this time in our lives has to be right now, that is until Lola fell off a Segway into a pile of dirt (one of those hoverboard-like things) and Sam scraped off the bottom of his big toe by riding barefoot on his bike in the driveway.

The two unsupervised events happened in back to back days.  Awesome.  Again I google the digits for the closet Urgent Care.  “No, please stay open for 5 more minutes because we are coming back again!”  I was clearly upset and have been calling myself a #badmom all week because it’s not easy to keep everything afloat in my business, in my house, and most importantly when it comes to the safety of my kids.  Structured activities and constant supervision is out the door this summer and possibly beyond.  I am realizing why school, camp, organized sports, etc. is so vital to our kid’s physical and mental wellbeing.

So anyway, long story short, I needed to “let loose” and drank too much last night.  But that never helps as we all know.  It feels good in the moment but then it feels a million times worse later or the next day.  We use food and alcohol to feel good and relax but an excess of either leads to a version of yourself that you don’t particularly like. 

It took me until 40 years old to grow up a little.  I don’t feel good when I drink too much, eat too much sugar, and then feel like shizzle the next morning.  Now don’t get me wrong, I will always love to have a good time, eat and drink whatever, and pay for it once in a while, but because I know how good I am supposed to feel, it’s just not worth it.

Once you get a taste of how good you’re supposed to feel when you practice consistent healthy habits most of the time and maintain a stable healthy weight for yourself, you will want to stay there and you naturally will without much struggle.  So if you’re bummed like I am this week for a multitude of shitty corona-related life stuff, you’re not alone.  Try to do something that lifts you up instead of drowning yourself in vino.  Tonight, I will try and take my own advice